Baba
Raising kids: bullying & solution
Namaskar,
Baba places tremendous emphasis on early childhood development. Accordingly, Baba wants us to have preschools and elementary schools in all towns and villages around the globe. Teachers have a grand role to play; yet, Baba also places great importance on the role of parents.
Ananda Marga philosophy says, "It must be the teachers’ responsibility to impart knowledge, teach restraint in social life, and give instruction about all the various aspects of collective endeavour, but the parents will have to take on most of the responsibility for the moral and spiritual education of the child." (1)
In our schools and homes, children are to be surrounded by loving, caring, responsible adults who are attuned to the needs, problems and yearnings of our youths. And from an early age our children are to be introduced to the ways of neo-humanism and a cosmic outlook.
http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
If from the very beginning children feel a sense of connection to others around them and to the universe as a whole, they will feel they have a place in this world. They will feel loved and share love with others, seeing all as their family members. They will feel like they are a part of humanity - not alienated by it.
For these reasons, Baba places a grand emphasis on the early experiences of children, both inside and outside of school. If the child has this proper base, then bullying - and so many other childhood issues that abound today - will never be an issue in their life. With the situation of bullying as serious as it is, the issue demands our attention.
Examples of bullying
Here are a few common, everyday examples of bullying that occur in schools and in the lives of today’s kids.
(A) Each day Tommy’s mother gives him some money to buy lunch and a snack at school. Yet, when Tommy arrives on the school premises, the bully Jack approaches Tommy and threatens him, “Give up all of your lunch money - or else!” Tommy is petrified of Jack and unwilling to put up a fight, so behind a sea of tears Tommy gives Jack all of his lunch money. Jack further threatens Tommy that if Tommy says anything to anyone then he (Jack) will beat him (Tommy) to a pulp. So Tommy keeps mum and never tells his mom or school personnel what is going on. In this way, Jack bullies Tommy each and every day.
(B) Harry is an honours student and excels in most of the academic subjects. Anthony is the exact opposite; he hates school and is on the verge of getting kicked out. So Anthony pulls Harry aside and tells Harry that from now on he (Harry) will do all of his (Anthony’s) homework. Harry realises that this is against the school policy and that he could get in serious trouble for this, but he is more afraid of what Anthony will do to him if he refuses to do Anthony’s homework. Anthony has levied numerous threats against Harry such as beating him up in the schoolyard, embarrassing him in front of all the other students, even threatening to damage Harry’s home. Under these threats, Harry labours everyday to properly complete all of Anthony’s homework assignments - all done out of the fear of being harmed in some way. That is how Anthony bullies Harry.
http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
(C) Nancy is a very kind yet lonely girl and wishes to have more friends at school. So she approaches Lori who is “very popular” and the leader of one of the cliques at school. Lors tells Nancy that she can be friends with them under one condition - that whenever she (Nancy) gets new clothes then she has to give them to Lori and her clique. And if she (Nancy) fails to do that, then she can no longer be their friend, and Lori and her clique will spread nasty, disgusting rumours about her throughout the entire school. Nancy acquiesces and becomes part of Lori’s clique only to find out that they do not treat her as their friend; instead they tease and mock her, take all her new clothes, and continually berate her to tears - all the while forcing her to keep quiet lest they tell ugly stories about her throughout the school and neighborhood.
These are some of the many types of bullying tactics that occur in schools and communities around the globe. Sadly, in each case, innocent children are the victims.
How to proactively combat bullying
Tragically, all too often in materialistic communities, parents are too busy to even know that their children are going through traumatic events like bullying. Parents work 10 or 12 hours days, see their kids for a few minutes at night, and hardly have time to eat dinner together let alone talk about meaningful matters. Besides, when there is a basic gap in parent-child communication, things mostly go unnoticed and unaddressed.
If and when some parents do come to know that their kids are getting bullied, they often respond with a phrase like, "Don't worry, just make some other friends." This is most harmful as it shoves the problem under the rug. This only worsens the situation and allows it to fester, causing lifelong problems like fear complexes, alienation, despair, nightmares, depression, and suicide.
As parents, our approach must be extremely proactive when it comes to bullying.
1. As parents we should tune in, come forward and pay concern to the child's physical and emotional needs. For children, getting bullied is a frightening thing. Kids must feel that they are loved and that as parents we are concerned with their problem.
2. As parents we should go to school and resolve the situation with the principal and / or teachers. This type of direct action is needed.
http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
3. If needed, as parents, we should place our kids in a different school or different learning environment.
4. As parents we should also look into creating alternative social opportunities for their children by having their kids meet up with kids from a different neighborhood on the weekend. The kids should not be around those same children who bully them.
5. As parents we should be very aware of what kinds of friends their children have. Friends are a huge component of a child's life and can be a telltale sign of what direction your child's life is progressing.
6. Again and again, parents should enforce the sentiment that "You are mine and I love you very much" within their child's mind. This must start from Day 1 and be reinforced every day and every night by providing a safe environment for their kids where they are included, loved, and embraced.
Conclusion
We have to remember that school and friends are everything for children. Just as we work for a proper stature in society, our kids do the same. As devastating as it is for us to lose our place in the world, it is doubly scarring for children.
We must take their problems like bullying as monumental occurrences and not minimise the problem as being petty. Should we talk down or pooh-pooh the problem, our kids will never tell us anything again. It will block all communication and the problem will fester.
http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
Tragically this is what we see happening again and again in today's materialistic society. And the result is that we have children graduating from schools with a whole basket of psychic and emotional issues that hinder them for the rest of their life. And we have children who are grossly disconnected from their families and communities.
As parents, teachers, counselors, concerned neighbors and school administrators, we should address this problem of bullying in a very forthright and direct manner. Failing that, we are inviting a whole slew of issues for our children, as well as losing their trust.
Namaskar,
in Him,
Shriidevi
~ In-depth study ~
By His grace, all have come into this world to flower, bloom, and blossom. That is the dharma of human beings. When society itself blocks this progress, problems abound. Many problems associated with child rearing and parenting are a direct result of materialism. From there, social ills abound. This entire situation demands our careful attention; otherwise, a neo-humanistic society will remain out of reach.
Challenges of this modern world
Here below Baba points out the challenges of living in today's world which is marred by imbalances and incongruities.
Ananda Marga philosophy says, "It can be said that ordinary people, like teachers, face many types of problem in their lives; in fact teachers’ problems are only a reflection of larger social problems. It is quite true that in the modern material world strenuous efforts to conquer the limitations of time, place and person are apparent everywhere. It is as if human beings are being forcibly dragged forward by the hair of their heads. Speed is the main consideration; whether any good is accomplished or not is a secondary factor. Thus different social trends are unable to maintain a harmonious pace in their forward movement. Some trends are far advanced in their development while others lag behind. This causes some parts of the social structure which were close together to move apart, and other parts which were once apart to come together, leading to the collapse of the entire structure. The thatched hut is still the same, but electrical wiring has been strung through it. The only food available is salt and boiled rice, but the ordinary old clay stove has been replaced by an electric “heater” [hotplate]. Such incongruities are now common in society." (2)
How modernity has affected parenting
Next Baba outlines key points about parenting in this modern era: Pitfalls and answers.
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "The views established in our psychic world regarding the different trends of life have so unnaturally diverged from one another that the naturalness of the human mind has been spoiled. Human beings have lost the capacity to think anything, but somehow pass their days with a lot of hollow, mechanical mental objects. The caravan of our social life thus rolls on."
"So today parents may rightly say, “We have almost no vital energy left after exchanging blows and counter-blows with life. We have no chance to mould the minds of our children with the care and tenderness of our hearts. All the sweetness and finer sensibilities of our minds have been sucked dry by the harsh realities of life. How can we take care of our children? We cannot even provide them with proper food and clothing. How can we know what they are thinking? Do we have the time to understand anything properly at all? We know children should be taught through the medium of play and entertainment, both at home and outside, but is it possible for us to do that? We even have to disturb our talented son at his studies to send him to the grocer’s to buy salt, cooking oil, spices, etc. We know it is wrong, but there is no alternative, for keeping a servant is beyond our means.”"
"There may be some truth in this, but it is not the point at issue here. In order to develop a healthy outlook, the most important thing children need is robust idealism. To impart this, parents require only two virtues: self-restraint and good judgement. Let us discuss good judgement first." (3)
Parents dupe kids; kids tell lies
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "The method of extracting work by terrorizing the minds of children is not only made use of by a particular type of teacher, it is also often still more harmfully practised by parents. They frighten their children, tell them lies, engage in scurrilous brawls before them, and deceive and torment them; but they still expect that some day their children will become respectable members of society – that their children will bring glory to their family name. When their children are reluctant to drink milk or sleep, they terrify them by invoking imaginary goblins or frightful ghosts. Children initially have no fear, yet a fearful panorama is played out before them. Through this practice the parents may achieve some temporary gain, but even if the children wait a lifetime, they can never be compensated for the harm done to them. Even when these same children attain young adulthood, the thought of ghosts will not leave their minds – ghosts will become their permanent companions."
"When the parents are about to go on a trip or go to a show, or when they are invited to a pleasant function or a social outing, the children may start whining or nattering to accompany them. At such times many parents tell lies without a qualm; somehow they dupe their children and leave. When the children realize what has happened, they also learn to tell lies; and to hide their intentions or their actions from their parents, they gradually start lying more and more."
"Parents deceive their children in many ways. By calling sweet things bitter and pleasant things unpleasant, they prevent their children from enjoying them. But by disregarding parental injunctions and prying inquisitively, as is the wont of human nature, children discover the truth. Then they realize that their parents have been deceiving them. As a result they start deceiving not only their parents, but their friends and classmates as well. So it is abundantly clear that children are taught the first lessons in the arts of lying and deception by their own parents at home." (4)
Bad habits children learn from their parents
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "In a family it is natural that differences of opinion will arise among the adults; when they do, the adults should reconcile their differences considering each other’s opinions. Unfortunately they often lack the requisite mental make-up to reach an amicable agreement – each tries to convince everybody else of his or her viewpoint without caring about the opinions of others. The result is an outburst of unreasonable obstinacy – the adults lose all self-control and behave in a gross and vulgar manner. The effect on the minds of the children is disastrous. Children thus learn obstinacy from their elders. If the mother or those with whom the children spend most of their time is obstinate, the neglected children will, in most cases, become noticeably obstinate, and they will have to carry this psychic ailment around with them for a long time. If, on the other hand, as is sometimes the case, the wishes and desires (if they are not unreasonable) of children are fulfilled, the children will not have the opportunity to learn obstinacy."
"In some families the parents have lost their peace of mind due to poverty or some other cause and oppress their children with or without reason. Naturally the children lose respect for their parents, which further aggravates family indiscipline. The parents have to put up with more unrest, adding to their lack of peace."
"Parents who are middle- or high-level officials in the public works or police departments have to get work done through others or supervise manual labourers or subordinates, so they often forget to talk sweetly. Some become accustomed to using abusive language, and some to issuing commands. Due to this their children do not have an opportunity to learn to speak with restraint. Such children suffer from a superiority complex, even within their circle of friends. In their future lives it will be extremely difficult for them to love people and create a congenial social environment."
"Some parents may claim that it is impossible to maintain a balanced life in an age full of problems, where they are extremely busy with numerous activities. I maintain, however, that it is possible for an intelligent parent to avoid the mistakes I have discussed. If parents fail to carry out their basic duties, I am compelled to say that, although they live in society, they are guilty of encouraging an antisocial mentality. By encouraging their children to develop a criminal psychology, they give unnecessary trouble to the police. The main point is this: for want of a little care, children are deprived of the opportunity to become complete human beings, even though they have a human structure." (5)
Early childhood education & the role of parents
Here Baba outlines the early education process and the development of children, as well as who is responsible.
Ananda Marga philosophy says, "The mental outlook of children has already been moulded in a particular fashion by the influence of their family environment before they start school. No matter what or how much they learn at school, it is extremely difficult for them to free themselves from the influence of their family. Drawing on what they have learned in the family, the immature minds of children begin to learn about the world and understand it, and to receive ideas and master language so that they can express those ideas. Unhesitatingly they adopt their elders’ way of looking at the world. Hence the primary responsibility for acquainting children with the world lies with their parents or guardians. Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly."
"I have no hesitation in saying that today’s adults have not yet developed a scientific method of training children’s minds. Even most so-called educated and refined people, let alone average adults, are either ignorant about or indifferent to the education of their children. Their ignorance may be pardoned, but how can we forgive their indifference? The family into which a child has been born will naturally have to bear the primary responsibility for the physical, mental and spiritual development of that child." (6)
References
1. Human Society - 1, Education
2. Human Society - 1, Education
3. Discourses on Neohumanist Education
4. Discourses on Neohumanist Education
5. Discourses on Neohumanist Education
6. Human Society - 1, Education
* * *
The below section is an entirely different topic, unrelated to the above material.
It stands on its own merit as a point of interest and ideological awareness.
* * *
== Section 2: Important Teaching ==
Which knowledge is divisive
Ananda Marga philosophy says, “Common people usually live their lives according to absolute knowledge and become noble and great. That is why we see people like Kabir and Ramakrishna, who even without formal schooling, were highly regarded by tens of thousands of people. In fact, it is doubtful whether learned scholars could bring about even a small fraction of the spiritual progress these great people brought to society…”
“Social progress is achieved to some extent through relative knowledge, but here also there is a great possibility of conflict between relative knowledge and absolute knowledge. Relative knowledge often encourages divisive ideas and the propagation of narrow sentiments such as casteism, nationalism, communalism, provincialism, etc., by extolling the greatness of caste, community, creed, colour, etc. It often tends to suppress other castes, communities, creeds, etc., or wants to annihilate them completely. On the other hand, absolute knowledge teaches human beings that the Dharma of all humans is one and the same. The Supreme Entity is the Universal Father. All the human beings of the world are brothers and sisters. All are equal – no one is low, no one is high.” (1)
Reference
1. Tattva Kaomudii - 2, Prápta Vákya and Ápta Vákya
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Secrets of rebirth
Ananda Marga ideology guides us, “The mind needs an appropriate body with which it can return from the state of distortion to the normal state through the medium of actions, through the medium of its nerve cells and nerve fibres. What will happen if it gets an unsuitable body? The mind will be unable to return to its normal state through that body. So it needs an appropriate body.”
Ananda Marga ideology states, “Gold ornaments cannot be fashioned with a blacksmith’s hammer. A goldsmith’s hammer is necessary. According to the nature of the task, an appropriate instrument is necessary. The body is an instrument. So one needs an appropriate body. Suppose a person is obsessed with the thought of doing this or that, to harm another person. They will receive the body of a pig or a dog. One who desires to do something good and noble, will receive a good physical body accordingly, because the mind has to be restored to its natural state by whatever means necessary. After death, the distorted mind moves about the cosmos under the impetus of the mutative force (rajoguńa), searching for an appropriate physical base according to its reactive momenta (saḿskáras). For example, a person dies in Kolkata. They may take rebirth on a different planet or a satellite, because they have to go to that place where they can find an appropriate body for their saḿskáras, those yet unexhausted reactions of their previous actions…”
Ananda Marga ideology guides us, “Whether one be a philanthropist or a star athlete, one desires to see what is written about them in the newspaper. This means that in trying to do some good work, what are they really doing? They are falling under the sway of one propensity, the propensity of greed.”
Ananda Marga ideology states, “Which animal is the greediest among the animals with which we are all very familiar? It does not like to give up greed in spite of ill treatment and humiliations. It is the cat. Yes, after moving a few steps ahead, the cat forgets that it was beaten. So, that particular person is reborn as a cat after death, because that body affords an opportunity for the satiation of their greed”
Ananda Marga ideology guides us, “So in order to exhaust the saḿskáras one needs an appropriate body. Some people obtain a new body immediately after death and others obtain it later. But one has to obtain it somehow.”
Ananda Marga ideology states, “When they perform the act of charity, átmá or Parama Puruśa witnessed it. He heard the language of their mind while they were performing that act of charity. Parama Puruśa also sees when a particular person in the form of a cat steals milk and rice, and this saḿskára will come to an end when the saḿskára of greed is exhausted. Only then is one elevated to a higher state. From a cat one may become a dog, and from a dog one becomes a monkey, and then one day they get a human body in the process of exhausting saḿskáras, because an animal cannot do anything independently. The animal, of course, is guided by instincts, inborn saḿskáras.” (1)
Reference
1. Ananda Vacanamrtam - 10, The Supreme Entity – the Non-Doer
== Section: Important Teaching ==
These people can’t do pracara
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "Where people are guided more by ahaḿtattva [doer “I”, ego], they say: “I am doing, I am giving. This was done by me, that was done by me,” and so on. [The higher faculty of mahattattva, pure “I” feeling, is not affected by any sense of ego or vanity.] Though people at this stage are moving on the path of sádhaná, still there is some defect in them. Their minds do not inspire the lives of others, their minds do not touch the minds of others. They do not reach the sweetness of others' “I” feelings, for they are too preoccupied with themselves. Their approach is defective; their path is not the path of Neohumanism." (1)
Reference
1. Neo-Humanism in a Nutshell - 1, Perfect Spirituality and Neohumanism
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Why no one should be disappointed or depressed
Ananda Marga ideology states, “However little one's capacity might be, if one constantly remembers that Parama Puruśa is always with him or her, that they are in the closest contact with Parama Puruśa, they will be able to do everything. They are not as small as they think themselves to be. And as long as they remember this closest association with Him, they can do much more than ordinary human beings. When this idea becomes permanently established in their minds, they become great. This is why no one should be disappointed or depressed in any circumstances; let everyone constantly perform great deeds, remembering that the flow of their capacity is coming from Parama Puruśa, and thus they can do everything.” (1)
Note: Commonly people think of themselves as weak and isolated. That is because in that moment they do not have a connection with Parama Purusa in their mind. So they cannot draw upon the cosmic energy from Parama Purusa. The moment one starts thinking about Him and makes a link with Parama Purusa then they become very strong. This can be felt and tested when facing tough situations or when confronting someone strong than yourself, such as when surrounded by a bunch of thugs. Then certainly those negative, anti-social elements will be defeated and victory will be attained. The connection is very simple: Just repeated your Ista mantra and you will be connected to Parama Purusa.
References
1. A Few Problems Solved - 3, Genius and Technician
== Section: Ananda Vanii ==
Encourage everyone...
“Encourage everyone to build their career in a nice way. Let none get the opportunity to think that their life has become useless.” (Ananda Vanii #19)
Note 1: True Ananda Vaniis have a number whereas Fake Ananda Vaniis do not - just as a fake car license plate has no number. By this way, you can easily recognise a Fake Ananda Vanii.
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Two vastly different reasons for cultivating knowledge
Ananda Marga philosophy says, "So why do people bother to cultivate knowledge or action? They do so to make their devotion more intense, not for any other reason. People do not eat pickles to fill the stomach, but only to whet their appetite so that they can enjoy their food more. Similarly, devotees cultivate knowledge and action not for their physical growth, but to acquire more strength to move along the path of devotion with greater acceleration." (1)
Note: Some people have gone astray from this above teaching. They acquire knowledge and do action for reasons of self-satisfaction and self-aggrandizement - so that they can brag to others. They want to misguide people, put simple folks in trouble, and create more dogmas. Yet all this inflates the ego and causes one's degeneration. It is rare that people cultivate knowledge and perform actions solely to serve humanity and increase their devotion.
Reference
1. Namami Krsnasundaram, p.154
== Section 3: Links ==
Dogma of Father's Day - 16 June 2024
Recent Postings
Other topics of interest
