Self-watch + 3 more

Baba

Self-watch

Namaskar,

After reading Baba's various discourses about ego (ahamkara) and vanity (mada), then slowly, slowly it dawned on me what ego is. I realised that one need not be a king or queen to have an inflated ego. Anyone can suffer in this way. But, previously I was blind about this, so I thought I was 'ego-free'. Until Baba's discourses slowly shined the light on me and I began to understand my problem, by His grace. It was especially helpful to discuss Baba's discourses and teachings with good sadhakas. Then I became more aware about what ego is, and how it expresses itself. That is how it began to dawn on me that indeed I do have an inflated ego. And the danger about it all is that when one has an inflated ego then one cannot do proper sadhana. And that was my problem.
Contributed to http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/


Common signs of an inflated ego - 1

Here are some common signs and signals about whether one has a bigger type of ego or not. Everyone can read these criteria and decide for themselves if they suffer from this malady of being puffed up with vanity and having an inflated ego.

(A) When I did anything, then I used to have an underlying feeling that others should recognise, praise, or appreciate my efforts. This was my inner urge. I was thinking that I had done some great things and I wanted to hear a 'thank you' or some words of praise. And if this did not happen, then I would become disappointed, dejected, slightly depressed, or even furious. To the degree one suffers from this, it means they have ego. And that ego will impede one's sadhana. Of course, Baba is the real Doer - He inspires us to act and graces us to be able to do something. So really there is nothing for us to be egotistical about. It is all Him. But even then the unit ego likes to relish in the idea that 'I am great'.

(B) When walking into a room or arriving at a place or when meeting someone, I would always think that the next person should greet me first. I was thinking that others should serve me. Either they should take my coat, or bring me my food, or something. This was my expectation. So that was all the disease of my own ego, nothing else. I was thinking that due to my talents or seniority or for any reason, that others should greet me first and pay their salutations and honour me. They did not have to garland me, but I was feeling that something big or small should be done to distinguish my standing from theirs. That was my anticipation and expectation. And if it did not happen then I would feel uncomfortable, sad, or even miserable. So this was all the expression or disease of my inflated ego. This is another way to recognise if one has an over-active ego. When in truth one should be unconcerned and unaffected about how one is received by others. Rather one should be ever-ready to greet others first, which leads us to the next situation.

Common signs of an inflated ego - 2

(C) The next expression of ego is if one does not like to give respect or recognition to others. That is another sure sign that one's own ego is too big. I was thinking that their presence or their actions pale in comparison to mine. In that case why should I recognise them, rather they should appreciate me. This also was or is my problem. Of course the answer is that we should see all as the expression of Parama Purusa and one should not think that, 'I am I, and the next person is Joe or Shyam'. Rather we are to think that all are Parama Purusa. That is the only cure. Then one will be anxious and ready to greet each and every entity in this manifested universe. But my habit was not to do like this. I was constantly measuring myself up to others and calculating if I was better than them or not, in which case I would not recognise them but would wait for them to recognise me. This led to so many complexes - superiority or inferiority etc. All of which is a result of having too much ego.

(D) This next scenario may have been the worst of all because it was all happening internally. Even when I was all alone, when I performed any action, or did something 'good', then I was reassuring myself and thinking that I am the doer of many great works. I was petting my own ego that I did a particular work etc. In fact, this was how I made it through all my days. I would constantly stroke my own ego, subtlety telling myself that I was great. It was all happening within. And that type of harmful disease severely hampered my second lesson. I could not see Baba in anything because my own ego was always dominating. And when sitting in sadhana, it was even worse. The real answer, as we all know, is that He gives us all our energy and our duty is to serve Him. That is how we are to view our actions in this world. But because of my defective thinking, I could never ideate in this way and my practice of brahmacarya was negatively affected.

(E) So the above are ways in which ego expresses itself. And it is not always so blatant or glaring. It can be done in a small or almost unreognisable ways, so one has to be careful and perfectly honest. Otherwise you will not be able to identify the problem, yet it will hamper your sadhana, and also others will surely recognise it. So one should never harbour any type of feeling that others are low, or that I did this or that, or that I am better, or that others should recognise me. These are all lowly expressions of one's own unit and petty ego.

The great irony of it all

As one Dada once told me, the ironic thing about the ego is that most think that they have no ego. That's because people do not understand what are the manifestations of having an ego. When in fact having a big ego is one of the more common maladies on this earth in this present age. One need not be a king, sports hero, president, or movie star to have a big ego. Many have this problem and it deteriorates their well-being.

Because of the dominance of one's ego, people get sad or depressed, suffer from inferiority or superiority complexes, and cannot do proper sadhana. Because in sadhana their mind just spins around their own unit existence and cannot swim in the vast ocean of cosmic consciousness. If one thinks all day about their own so-called glories then they cannot do sadhana. In that predicament, one cannot overtly recognise why they cannot do sadhana. One will just think that sadhana is impossible or that Baba is not gracing me. One will not think that their own ego is the stumbling block - the real impediment.


Conclusion

The only way out is to do honest introspection and really ask yourself if any of the above egotistical situations apply to you. Do I expect praise from others; do I have feelings that I did something; do I want others to recognise me etc etc. One should be extremely honest in this regard. That is the way back onto the path of sadhana.
Ultimately, one has to cultivate the idea that Baba is doing everything. To gain success in this, one should do sincere sadhana, surrender unto Him, and ask for His divine compassion.

The greatest tragedy of a big ego is that one will go away from Parama Purusa. Because when ideating on one's own unit self or ego, then one cannot even think about Parama Purusa - let alone feel His presence. Rather one will just be involved in their own name, fame, and prestige, and then that mind will not flow towards Parama Purusa. That is why the ego is very bad and can destroy one's life as a sadhaka.

In Him,
Mukta
Contributed to http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/

~ In-depth study ~

How to overcome trappings of the ego

Sadguru has given us the best way to overcome the bindings of the unit ego. In various Prabhat Samgiita compositions, Baba has given us this golden teaching:

'O Parama Purusa, due to the trappings of my own ego and unit existence and I cannot get close to You. That is the painful truth of my life. So Baba I request You to please grace me and remove my ego. On my own I cannot solve the problem. So please shower me with Your divine compassion such that I should never ideate on my own unit things, but rather always focus on Your lotus feet. O' Baba, please be gracious. I am completely depending on You. You are my Saviour and You have have accepted me as Your disciple and if I remain dirty then it will not be Your glory. In this way, take mercy on me-- on this poor and helpless soul-- and cleanse me of all egoistic feelings and make me Yours. O' my Baba, please be gracious...'

Here is also one teaching from our Beloved Guru that is especially helpful for curing an over-sized ego.

Ananda Marga Caryacarya says, "Bear in mind that you have a duty towards – indeed, you owe a debt to – every creature of this universe, but towards you, no one has any duty; from others, nothing is due." (1)

When sincerely followed, this above teaching along with regular meditation, will help one get onto the right path. In this regard, sadhana is essential, because only sadhana transforms and cleanses the mind deep inside.


Two flows of mind

The physical body flows in one direction. Each and every day it grows older and moves closer to death. But the mental body flows in two directions. It can go up or down. Like a river, it is easiest for the mind to flow downstream, into the depths of hell. But with sadhana, the mind can also flow upstream to the top of the mountain, to the height of human glory. But that takes energy and effort. Only with sadhana can one overcome petty feelings and make the mind expansive. Here the point is that human life is most often like a river flowing downstream in that the unit ego will just involve in itself because that is easy, ultimately making the mind smaller and smaller. By His grace, when doing sadhana, the mind grows in magnitude and becomes God-centered. Then and only then can the mind flow upstream and reach that divine abode. So we must put forth effort and then by His grace the mind will easily flow in this direction until we attain Him.

References
1. Caryacarya - 2, chapter 1, point #3
Contributed to http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/

== Section 2: Important Teaching ==

So-called ghosts won’t terrorize the Ánanda Márgiis

Ananda Marga ideology guides us, "Sometimes you went to a particular house which is, suppose people say it is a haunted house. There are some haunted houses in each and every town, and I have already told that if you get any such haunted house, you just purchase it or use that house because ‘ghosts’ won’t terrorize the Ánanda Márgiis, [Bábá, laughing] because each and every Ánanda Márgii is a "ghost"."

    [laughter]

Sadguru Baba says, "शिवस्य गणः | शिव का गण है | They are followers of Shiva. The ghosts will not terrorize "ghosts". (1)

Reference
1. Ananda Vacanamrtam - 3, chapter 17, MGD 19 October 1978 Patna
Contributed to http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/

== Section 3: Important Teaching ==

What disciples should do

WT conduct rule states: "We are all the children of the same Father, we are all the members of the same family. By fighting against all kinds of evil forces, we will establish the glory of our Father and the glory of our family." (1)

Note: A few bad Wts are going astray from this fundamental rule by spreading the poison of groupism and creating division throughout our AMPS and the greater society - all of which is against the ethic of neo-humanism. This is all happening due to greed, lust of power, desire for prestige etc. Unfortunately such persons are still walking around in WT garb and continuing to harm His mission. Such is the effect of their divisive ways. They have destroyed the sanctity and unity of the family. Now is the time for ideologically-minded margiis and Wts to rally and rectify such workers, thereby building a monolithic AMPS.

Note 2: Those who are sincere margiis adhere to this above cited rule since the spirit of this conduct rule is common to one and all.

In Him,
Ashish
Contributed to http://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/

Reference
1. Point #13 of '14 Points', WT Conduct Rules

== Section 4: Links ==

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This email contains four sections:
1. Posting: Self-watch
2. IT: So-called ghosts won’t terrorize the Ánanda Márgiis
3. IT: What disciples should do
4. Links