Baba
How to handle emotional people
Namaskar,
There are many types of people in this world and there are some people who become very emotional and say or do irrational things at certain times. What should we do during such circumstances?
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Domination of lower propensities- Examples
There are 1,000 propensities (vrittis) in human beings. Depending on the environment one is in, one or more specific lower propensities may be aroused. Here are a few examples:
Example - 1: A person is not feeling hungry and does not feel like eating. But when they go to a restaurant, the smell of food is so good that they are tempted to eat. The lower propensities become dominant and that person succumbs to the temptation of food at the restaurant. And even though they were not hungry, they ended up eating food of a static (ta’masika) nature.
Example - 2: The advertising industry is very prominent in many materialistic spheres. There are various types of advertisements in a variety of outlets such as books, magazines, television, social media, the internet, and on the side of roadways. Advertisements are very psychological in nature. The goal of the advertisement is to activate the lower propensities and attract people towards their products. Advertisers arouse the lower vrittis of the general population by displaying attractive images or videos.
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Example - 3: Smoking cigarettes is dangerous; everyone is aware of this. However, cigarette manufacturers use various types of attractive advertising techniques to activate the lower propensities in people. By seeing such advertisements, people get attracted because their lower propensities become activated, and they end up smoking.
What we see in these three examples is that, depending on the environment one is in, those lower propensities can become activated. Human psychology is influenced by the environment one is in whereby the lower propensities are aroused and become dominant.
Not utilizing mind in adverse situations
When a person is affected by a lower propensity, then one does not utilize the mind properly — one does not think rationally. In general circumstances, one always utilizes the mind to decide what to do, and what not to do. But when any lower propensity gets aroused, then the connection with the mind is lost, and the propensities dominate one’s activities. When one becomes absorbed in a lower propensity, one does not utilize the mind properly.
Example: In their younger age, people get infatuated with the opposite gender. When infatuated one does not utilize the mind properly, such as not listening to parents, neglecting studies, running away from home, and even going to another city to be together. Yet, after a few days of experiencing infatuation versus reality, one realizes that one did not use their mind properly, and did not make a good decision by not listening to others and running away from home. Eventually, one returns home, knowing one's mistake.
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Emotional people lose connection with rationality
When one becomes emotional, a similar phenomenon happens. One loses connection with the mind. The best thing one can do at that time is to leave the company of the emotional person. Talking to the person at that time will not result in anything, because their mind is not working. The wise person will leave the place when encountering emotional people — this is the first step. With the passage of time, that emotional person will understand that whilst emotional, they were saying things which were not appropriate, and thus they will feel remorse. A person will usually apologize for the many things that s/he said in their emotional state.
Advice for emotional person
The advice for an emotional person is to control one’s emotions, and utilize the mind properly, so that such instances of first becoming angry, and then apologizing with the passage of time, will not occur. By being emotional, one is overwhelmed. One should not make any important decisions when in an emotional state. Even one should not speak much when one feels emotional. After some time, the lower propensities will be subdued, and then one can interact with others and also make decisions.
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When under the influence of various circumstances, one can become angry and uncontrollable. Sometimes one quarrels, and even uses guns or other devices which turns the situation to violence. Many people in jail acted on their emotions and turned to violence, used weapons, hurt others, and now must repent for the rest of their lives for that emotional outburst that carried such grave consequences.
Example of two people in emotional situation
Suppose there are two persons: A and B. Person A is becoming emotional, and person B is accompanying person A. When person B observes that person A is becoming emotional, then the best action person B can do is to leave the place. There is no point in person B trying to convince or lecture person A at that time. After some time, person A will calm down and realize his/her mistake, or person B can try to convince person A at a later point in time.
What should person A, who does not have control over his/her emotions, do in such situations? The person should learn how to control the mind irrespective of the nature of various circumstances. That is why it is recommended for one to maintain mental balance even in adverse conditions, i.e., yudhi-sthir (firm even in battle).
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Ananda Marga ideology states, “Hence yudhi + sthira (yudhi means “in war”). One who keeps oneself sthira [unaffected, unassailed] at the time of battle, who keeps one's balance in battle, who is perfectly poised for upward motion during spiritual practice, and never loses one’s balance at the peak of the fighting, is yudhi + sthira = Yudhiśt́hira.” (1)
What to do in adverse situations
In India, during the emergency, a number of Anada Margiis went to jail. Upon their return, Baba gave a discourse mentioning how it was difficult to be in jail during the emergency, but that one’s tolerance level increased. By being in adverse conditions, and by enduring difficult times, one’s tolerance level increases.
Suppose one is being tortured, even though having done nothing wrong. At that point in time, one should not take any drastic step quickly. One should increase one’s tolerance level, keep thinking what the appropriate plan of action should be and when the appropriate time comes, one will provide an appropriate response to the oppressor. First tolerance, and then with deep thinking one will take appropriate action. During the tolerance phase, one gets enough time to ponder the next step.
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Emotional levels in females & males
It is well-known that females are more emotional than males and this is one reason that they are more capable of raising children than males. Due to their emotionality, women tend to cry in certain situations. Some men might feel uncomfortable when they witness a woman crying but understanding is the key in this situation. If a husband becomes angry when he sees his wife crying then that reaction might inflame the situation and lead to arguments and worse. But if a husband doesn’t react to his wife’s crying and remains calm, then after some time, his wife will be able to control her emotions and they can have an amiable discussion.
Conclusion
Human beings have a developed mind, and that is what distinguishes them from other animate beings. Even having the intellectual power to distinguish between good and bad and to make rational decisions on a course of action, if one doesn’t utilize one’s mind, then one is not utilizing all the available faculties of a human being. One of the dangerous aspects is not to utilize the mind when needed during adverse situations.
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In conclusion, one should be careful while dealing with emotional people. One should leave the place, and deal with the situation later. When a friend is under the influence of alcohol, there is no point in talking to the friend at that time. The person would not understand any advice when under the influence of alcohol. The best option is to go away from that friend, and when the friend becomes normal, then try to talk with him.
Ananda Marga ideology states, “When the mind moves along a particular track or follows a particular discipline in a methodical way, this is called “devotion” or bhakti; but when it does not follow a particular method, when it moves haphazardly, swept away by whim, it is called “emotion”. This is the fundamental difference between devotion and emotion.” (2)
In Him,
Nira’ka’ra
References
(1) Ánanda Vacanámrtam Part 17, Spiritual Lessons of the Giitá – 3:
(2) Subháśita Saḿgraha Part 18, The Cult of Spirituality – the Cult of Pinnacled Order
* * *
The below section is an entirely different topic, unrelated to the above material.
It stands on its own merit as a point of interest and ideological awareness.
* * *
== Section 2: Important Teaching ==
Ananda Marga philosophy states, “Purdah” means not only a curtain on the window or over the door, it means a piece of cloth covering the head and face of a woman (i.e., a veil); it means that a woman must not move freely outside the house; it also means keeping the women covered in burkas. The purdah was not in use among the ancient Aryans. It was originally a Semitic concept. Indian women did not use the purdah before the Pathan rule. The Sanskrit word avaguńt́hana [“veil”] is not an ancient word. (The Hindustani word ghunghat́ [“veil”] was used in the olden days in the sense of covering.) In those parts of India where the Pathans were not firmly established, for instance in south India and Maharastra, the veil was not introduced at all; to this day there is no such custom. Married women in ancient Maharastra never used to veil themselves – it was optional. Widows did not need to use a veil if they chose not to. Even where the Pathans were firmly established, the aborigines living in the hills and forests did not use the purdah. Today as well there is no custom of veiling oneself among the tribal women of Bengal and north India. Although the Santhals of Bengal are now totally identified with the Bengali mainstream, Santhal women do not use veils to this day.” (1)
Reference
1. Shabda Cayanika - 3, Kakubh to Kavaśńa (Discourse 17)
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Secret for doing selfless service
Ananda Marga ideology states, “When you perform acts with the ideation that the person served is Náráyańa, there is no possibility of arrogance or the desire for fame growing in your mind. Then you will realize that through the grace of Náráyańa you have been given the opportunity of serving Náráyańa. Our hands and feet are not ours, they are His, and by serving Himself with those hands and feet, He sports with Himself. Such an action is an action without attachment. Only in this way can one attain salvation from the bondage of Karma. You must feel that the person served is Brahma. The person served is a finite manifestation of Him. Never, even by mistake, take the object as a human being.” (1)
According to the teachings of Ananda Marga philosophy, for every action there is a reaction. Good deeds yield positive reactions, and bad deeds yield adverse reactions. When serving an infirm person, you should not think that, “This person has done something wrong, and that is why I am serving them.” If one thinks like this then their entire attempt at service is for naught as there is no ideation of Narayana. One should think that, “Narayan is before me in the form of a sick person; He is playing His liila and I have been blessed with the opportunity to serve Him.” This is the proper approach.
Reference
1. Subhasita Samgraha - 1, Yajiṋa and Karmaphala
== Section 3: Links ==
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