Baba
Namaskar,
While sitting down an hour before I was to get washed and dressed for my job, I experienced an overwhelming sadness. I had this realization that I am now all by myself on this earth. My parents are long gone, my wife has recently passed, my children have grown and left; so I have no one around with whom to have communication or contact.
I started to feel very lonely and thought since I have no real friends or family around me and I live by myself, that I will grow old alone. I started to cry. I see many people with a human companion to grow old with, but I will be alone. This melancholia flooded my existence one morning before going to work. I felt desperate.
Then I sang kiirtan and did some sadhana; by Baba's grace the experience was so deep that my feelings of loneliness and melancholia immediately vanished. That morning, by His grace, my meditation was very vibrated. Immediately I felt, 'I am not alone, Baba is with me and He is caring for me'.
Later on at my job, we were getting reports of the previous happenings - the comings and goings from staff working the prior shift. Then and there, by His grace I had a flashback and reviewed in my mind the sacred memory of when I saw Baba and He blessed me. Over and over the idea was floating in my mental plate and it was blissful. I was recalling Him watching me run over to the stage and as I did sastaunga pranam, He looked down at me and then as I got up He asked my name, He smiled at me and said, 'Very good, very good, very good', rocking His head gently back and forth. Then I heard my kiss onto His hand and then by His grace, He turned toward me with His His folded hands blessing.
As I relived those blissful moments during this meeting, I started to cry but checked my tears so my colleagues wouldn't notice. I started to realize that my life is for Him and I don't want to do anything for myself, to enjoy life for me. I do not want to let Him down. I want to be doing everything to please Him; I do not want to make money and enjoy life for myself. I want to give my life to Him. I want to work for Him full-time, not for someone else. He has graciously done so much for me and He is so loving, giving me so much that I must give back to Him and please Him. I am not sure what He has in mind for me, but He must fufill my desire to serve Him 24 hours a day. All these feelings were in my mind and heart.
That auspicious morning occurred ten years ago to this day, by His grace. And I have not had an ounce of melancholia since.
In my earlier life, up until that point, I was always surrounded by people. I would always ensure that I had company and companionship in the form of friends and family.
Since that time of crisis and moment of realisation, by His grace I have come to appreciate being with Him and Him alone. I no longer fear being by myself but see it as a boon for my devotional life. Because it gives me opportunity to focus more on Baba and not get diverted or distracted by anything else.
So now I cherish my loneliness in the mundane sphere as I can channel and divert all my energies towards Him. And when that happens, by His grace, I feel His sweet proximity and compassionate touch.
To be surrounded by people now means to intrude upon my sacred time with Baba.
What a difference: In the past, feeling lonely made me absolutely miserable and I was terrified of the future; now, by His grace, worldly loneliness has become a boon for my spiritual endeavors and relationship with Him.
Since that auspicious occasion ten years ago, my entire outlook has changed.
Now I long to be alone, and generally shun worldly company, so that I may get closer and closer to Him, by His grace. Now I have love and affection for everyone and am not attached to a particular few persons. I feel close to all, by Baba's grace.
I understand that my story is atypical, and not exactly normal. Some may have difficulty relating with it. But I can clearly see a vast difference in my devotional relationship with Baba from then and now. And it is because of this transformation that I prefer not to have worldly company, not because of any indifference towards others.
I suppose it is similar to many other changes we might experience as margiis. For example, before becoming a margii one might have eaten meat or consumed alcohol, yet now after developing a more sentient way of life one may feel suffocated by the thought of eating meat and drinking wine etc. The margii now only has attraction toward sattvika foods. All because of a change in one's mental make-up.
Similarly, I do not feel inspired to interact much with people - unless it is for reasons of performing service to please Him-- and now strictly prefer the company of Parama Purusa. And the reason is, Baba has made my mind like that. Beyond that, I could never have conceived of living in such a manner.
Baba says, "Du'r'a't sudure: if people think that Parama Purus'a is far from them, then He is very, very far. Du'ra means far and sudu'ra means so far that the human mind cannot even imagine it." (SS-11, p. 65)
When people begin to think that Parama Purusa is close by, or near. Baba says, "antike means near". In this case aspirants think that Parama Purusa is only ten feet away and then they realise that He is only one foot away, sitting right next to them. So in this way they feel that Parama Purusa is nearer than they thought. And in this top category, those blessed devotees feel that Parama Purusa is their closest and most Dear Entity. That He is always living along with them, in the inner recesses of their mind and heart.
Baba says, "Tadiha'ntike ca, iha'ntike means so near, so close" that it cannot be measured. Those devotees feel "that Parama Purusa is hidden in their very 'I' feeling." (SS-11)
"One does not think of anything as being one’s own except Parama Puruśa (Viśńu). This spiritual outlook can also be called “prema”. One who has thus taken Parama Puruśa as his or her own gets everything in Parama Puruśa and has a grip over the entire universe. Everything will eventually come under the control of such a devotee. To think that Parama Puruśa and nothing else is one’s own is therefore the cleverest thing to do. That is why it has been said “mamatá”: everything becomes full by His mamatá. Everyone will feel His closest proximity and receive the same treatment from Him as His nearest ones. He will take everybody on His lap, saying, “Don’t worry. I have come to help you”." (AV-7, The True Nature of Bhakti)
Namaskar,
In Him,
Rameshvar
STORY: LONELINESS
Namaskar,
While sitting down an hour before I was to get washed and dressed for my job, I experienced an overwhelming sadness. I had this realization that I am now all by myself on this earth. My parents are long gone, my wife has recently passed, my children have grown and left; so I have no one around with whom to have communication or contact.
I started to feel very lonely and thought since I have no real friends or family around me and I live by myself, that I will grow old alone. I started to cry. I see many people with a human companion to grow old with, but I will be alone. This melancholia flooded my existence one morning before going to work. I felt desperate.
Then I sang kiirtan and did some sadhana; by Baba's grace the experience was so deep that my feelings of loneliness and melancholia immediately vanished. That morning, by His grace, my meditation was very vibrated. Immediately I felt, 'I am not alone, Baba is with me and He is caring for me'.
Later on at my job, we were getting reports of the previous happenings - the comings and goings from staff working the prior shift. Then and there, by His grace I had a flashback and reviewed in my mind the sacred memory of when I saw Baba and He blessed me. Over and over the idea was floating in my mental plate and it was blissful. I was recalling Him watching me run over to the stage and as I did sastaunga pranam, He looked down at me and then as I got up He asked my name, He smiled at me and said, 'Very good, very good, very good', rocking His head gently back and forth. Then I heard my kiss onto His hand and then by His grace, He turned toward me with His His folded hands blessing.
As I relived those blissful moments during this meeting, I started to cry but checked my tears so my colleagues wouldn't notice. I started to realize that my life is for Him and I don't want to do anything for myself, to enjoy life for me. I do not want to let Him down. I want to be doing everything to please Him; I do not want to make money and enjoy life for myself. I want to give my life to Him. I want to work for Him full-time, not for someone else. He has graciously done so much for me and He is so loving, giving me so much that I must give back to Him and please Him. I am not sure what He has in mind for me, but He must fufill my desire to serve Him 24 hours a day. All these feelings were in my mind and heart.
That auspicious morning occurred ten years ago to this day, by His grace. And I have not had an ounce of melancholia since.
In my earlier life, up until that point, I was always surrounded by people. I would always ensure that I had company and companionship in the form of friends and family.
Since that time of crisis and moment of realisation, by His grace I have come to appreciate being with Him and Him alone. I no longer fear being by myself but see it as a boon for my devotional life. Because it gives me opportunity to focus more on Baba and not get diverted or distracted by anything else.
So now I cherish my loneliness in the mundane sphere as I can channel and divert all my energies towards Him. And when that happens, by His grace, I feel His sweet proximity and compassionate touch.
To be surrounded by people now means to intrude upon my sacred time with Baba.
What a difference: In the past, feeling lonely made me absolutely miserable and I was terrified of the future; now, by His grace, worldly loneliness has become a boon for my spiritual endeavors and relationship with Him.
Since that auspicious occasion ten years ago, my entire outlook has changed.
Now I long to be alone, and generally shun worldly company, so that I may get closer and closer to Him, by His grace. Now I have love and affection for everyone and am not attached to a particular few persons. I feel close to all, by Baba's grace.
SOME REFLECTION
I understand that my story is atypical, and not exactly normal. Some may have difficulty relating with it. But I can clearly see a vast difference in my devotional relationship with Baba from then and now. And it is because of this transformation that I prefer not to have worldly company, not because of any indifference towards others.
I suppose it is similar to many other changes we might experience as margiis. For example, before becoming a margii one might have eaten meat or consumed alcohol, yet now after developing a more sentient way of life one may feel suffocated by the thought of eating meat and drinking wine etc. The margii now only has attraction toward sattvika foods. All because of a change in one's mental make-up.
Similarly, I do not feel inspired to interact much with people - unless it is for reasons of performing service to please Him-- and now strictly prefer the company of Parama Purusa. And the reason is, Baba has made my mind like that. Beyond that, I could never have conceived of living in such a manner.
BABA'S BLESSING
Baba says, "Du'r'a't sudure: if people think that Parama Purus'a is far from them, then He is very, very far. Du'ra means far and sudu'ra means so far that the human mind cannot even imagine it." (SS-11, p. 65)
When people begin to think that Parama Purusa is close by, or near. Baba says, "antike means near". In this case aspirants think that Parama Purusa is only ten feet away and then they realise that He is only one foot away, sitting right next to them. So in this way they feel that Parama Purusa is nearer than they thought. And in this top category, those blessed devotees feel that Parama Purusa is their closest and most Dear Entity. That He is always living along with them, in the inner recesses of their mind and heart.
Baba says, "Tadiha'ntike ca, iha'ntike means so near, so close" that it cannot be measured. Those devotees feel "that Parama Purusa is hidden in their very 'I' feeling." (SS-11)
"One does not think of anything as being one’s own except Parama Puruśa (Viśńu). This spiritual outlook can also be called “prema”. One who has thus taken Parama Puruśa as his or her own gets everything in Parama Puruśa and has a grip over the entire universe. Everything will eventually come under the control of such a devotee. To think that Parama Puruśa and nothing else is one’s own is therefore the cleverest thing to do. That is why it has been said “mamatá”: everything becomes full by His mamatá. Everyone will feel His closest proximity and receive the same treatment from Him as His nearest ones. He will take everybody on His lap, saying, “Don’t worry. I have come to help you”." (AV-7, The True Nature of Bhakti)
Namaskar,
In Him,
Rameshvar
TRANSLITERATION OF PS #1158
Ga'ne ga'ne eso manera ahmka'ra gunr'iye diye
Pra'n'e pra'n'e mesho ks'udratvera siima'na' sariye diye
Kii a'che ka'ha'ro mane, bha've kare gopane
Sabai tumi samabha've ja'no, calo saba'ike mane niye
Tumi calo saba'ike mane niye
Toma'r ba'hire kichu je na'i, sukhe duhkhe saba'r tumi je t'h'ai
Saba'ra kotha' samabha've bha'vo, calo saba'r pa'ne ta'kiye
Tumi calo saba'r pa'ne ta'kiye
LINE MEANING OF PS #1158
Baba, please come in endless songs [1], pulverizing the ego of my mind. Please merge in my heart and remove the boundary of my smallness [2]. [3]
Baba, whatever one has in their mind, whatever they may be thinking or secretly doing, [4] You know everyone equally [5]. You move ahead keeping everyone in Your mind. O' Lord, You move on keeping everyone in Your mind.
Baba, there is nothing beyond You. In joy and sorrow, You are everyone's shelter. You think about everyone equally. Baba, You go on looking after all. O' my Lord, You go on looking after all.
Baba, You are my Saviour, I surrender at Your lotus feet. Please shower Your causeless grace...
END NOTES FOR PS #1158
[1] Please Come in Songs: Through the chanting of songs You come; when I sing I feel Your proximity and You, in your role of Darpa Harii, pulverize my ego.
Baba says, "Parama Puruśa is called Darpahárii, which means “Pride-snatcher”. One thing He will not tolerate is ego. He is uni-purposive and multilateral: He is doing everything at once. He is running the whole universe, so He is multilateral. But He is uni-purposive because He has only one purpose: to bring all His creatures back to Him, to merge in Him again." (Ananda Vacanamrtam-31, Surrender at the Altar of the Supreme)
[2] Smallness: Here, smallness refers to the feeling of the jiiva or unit self: "I am a human being; I am alone; I have so many limitations; I have this or that." All these are feelings of the unit "I". And the request of that unit being is: "Make little "I" one with the Supreme "I".
Note: When reciting the mantra with each and every respiration in sadhana, the unit merges into cosmic. That is the idea expressed here. In result, the unit becomes cosmic; the microcosm becomes macrocosm. With the help of the mantra, the waves of the unit "I" become one with the Cosmic "I". (For more about this read the chapter, Mantra Caetanya.)
[3] Meaning of First Stanza: When I sing the song, O Lord, please come in my close proximity and remove my ego so I can surrender at Your lotus feet. In my sadhana, please merge Your Divine Self in my heart, and make my unit I-feeling one with the Cosmic-"I". O' Lord, please remove my smallness and make me one with You.
[4] Parama Purusa Knows Everything: O' Parama Purusa, You know everything about everyone. There is nothing outside of You. Whatever a person is thinking or longing for, You are fully aware. In this vast cosmos, it is impossible to keep a secret from You. All knowledge resides within You. You witness every movement and thought. You are aware about one and all, always. The entire creation is Your thought projection. That is why everything is known to You. Nothing is less or more; You know everything completely, i.e. all the ins and outs.
[5] You Know Everyone Equally: Baba, You know everything about everybody. It is not that about some You know more, and about others You know less. It is not that some people You treat in a special way and others in a distant way. All are Your progeny and part of Your creation.
Baba says, "A microcosm, a unit being, may think, “I am an insignificant person, I am not educated, I have neither intellect nor erudition nor wealth. Does Parama Puruśa think of me also? – Me, a very small insignificant microcosm?” They should remember that Parama Puruśa not only does think of them, He is bound to think of them by force of circumstances. Parama Puruśa cannot think, “These are just very ordinary human beings merely managing to make both ends meet – I can’t think of them!” He cannot think like this, because by providential decree the Macrocosm is bound to think of His created objects – He cannot forget them."
"And does He think only of a human being, or only of a white ant? No, He thinks of all."
"He looks upon a tiny white ant with as much love and affection as on a mosquito. Nor does He think of a large mammoth more than other entities, for a mammoth has a mind just as an ant has. So He thinks equally of all: He thinks of a white ant or a mosquito with the same seriousness as of a mammoth or an elephant, and He attaches same importance to each individual creature as to all the three worlds. So you understand that you are not at all insignificant: your existential value is very great." (Subhasita Samgraha-18, Macropsychic Conation and Micropsychic Longings)
Note: Here it should be understood that devotees feel His close proximity whereas others do not. That is why non-devotees blame Parama Purusa for not caring about them. But their accusation is baseless as He witnesses everything, everyone.
Ga'ne ga'ne eso manera ahmka'ra gunr'iye diye
Pra'n'e pra'n'e mesho ks'udratvera siima'na' sariye diye
Kii a'che ka'ha'ro mane, bha've kare gopane
Sabai tumi samabha've ja'no, calo saba'ike mane niye
Tumi calo saba'ike mane niye
Toma'r ba'hire kichu je na'i, sukhe duhkhe saba'r tumi je t'h'ai
Saba'ra kotha' samabha've bha'vo, calo saba'r pa'ne ta'kiye
Tumi calo saba'r pa'ne ta'kiye
LINE MEANING OF PS #1158
Baba, please come in endless songs [1], pulverizing the ego of my mind. Please merge in my heart and remove the boundary of my smallness [2]. [3]
Baba, whatever one has in their mind, whatever they may be thinking or secretly doing, [4] You know everyone equally [5]. You move ahead keeping everyone in Your mind. O' Lord, You move on keeping everyone in Your mind.
Baba, there is nothing beyond You. In joy and sorrow, You are everyone's shelter. You think about everyone equally. Baba, You go on looking after all. O' my Lord, You go on looking after all.
Baba, You are my Saviour, I surrender at Your lotus feet. Please shower Your causeless grace...
END NOTES FOR PS #1158
[1] Please Come in Songs: Through the chanting of songs You come; when I sing I feel Your proximity and You, in your role of Darpa Harii, pulverize my ego.
Baba says, "Parama Puruśa is called Darpahárii, which means “Pride-snatcher”. One thing He will not tolerate is ego. He is uni-purposive and multilateral: He is doing everything at once. He is running the whole universe, so He is multilateral. But He is uni-purposive because He has only one purpose: to bring all His creatures back to Him, to merge in Him again." (Ananda Vacanamrtam-31, Surrender at the Altar of the Supreme)
[2] Smallness: Here, smallness refers to the feeling of the jiiva or unit self: "I am a human being; I am alone; I have so many limitations; I have this or that." All these are feelings of the unit "I". And the request of that unit being is: "Make little "I" one with the Supreme "I".
Note: When reciting the mantra with each and every respiration in sadhana, the unit merges into cosmic. That is the idea expressed here. In result, the unit becomes cosmic; the microcosm becomes macrocosm. With the help of the mantra, the waves of the unit "I" become one with the Cosmic "I". (For more about this read the chapter, Mantra Caetanya.)
[3] Meaning of First Stanza: When I sing the song, O Lord, please come in my close proximity and remove my ego so I can surrender at Your lotus feet. In my sadhana, please merge Your Divine Self in my heart, and make my unit I-feeling one with the Cosmic-"I". O' Lord, please remove my smallness and make me one with You.
[4] Parama Purusa Knows Everything: O' Parama Purusa, You know everything about everyone. There is nothing outside of You. Whatever a person is thinking or longing for, You are fully aware. In this vast cosmos, it is impossible to keep a secret from You. All knowledge resides within You. You witness every movement and thought. You are aware about one and all, always. The entire creation is Your thought projection. That is why everything is known to You. Nothing is less or more; You know everything completely, i.e. all the ins and outs.
[5] You Know Everyone Equally: Baba, You know everything about everybody. It is not that about some You know more, and about others You know less. It is not that some people You treat in a special way and others in a distant way. All are Your progeny and part of Your creation.
Baba says, "A microcosm, a unit being, may think, “I am an insignificant person, I am not educated, I have neither intellect nor erudition nor wealth. Does Parama Puruśa think of me also? – Me, a very small insignificant microcosm?” They should remember that Parama Puruśa not only does think of them, He is bound to think of them by force of circumstances. Parama Puruśa cannot think, “These are just very ordinary human beings merely managing to make both ends meet – I can’t think of them!” He cannot think like this, because by providential decree the Macrocosm is bound to think of His created objects – He cannot forget them."
"And does He think only of a human being, or only of a white ant? No, He thinks of all."
Sama pluśińá sáma mashakena
Sama nágena sama ebhistribhih lakaeh.
Sama nágena sama ebhistribhih lakaeh.
"He looks upon a tiny white ant with as much love and affection as on a mosquito. Nor does He think of a large mammoth more than other entities, for a mammoth has a mind just as an ant has. So He thinks equally of all: He thinks of a white ant or a mosquito with the same seriousness as of a mammoth or an elephant, and He attaches same importance to each individual creature as to all the three worlds. So you understand that you are not at all insignificant: your existential value is very great." (Subhasita Samgraha-18, Macropsychic Conation and Micropsychic Longings)
Note: Here it should be understood that devotees feel His close proximity whereas others do not. That is why non-devotees blame Parama Purusa for not caring about them. But their accusation is baseless as He witnesses everything, everyone.
