Baba
Raising margii kids
Namaskar,
This letter is not easy for me to write as the growth and development of our children has been quite trying for us. On the one side, our eldest child is fine in many regards, but admittedly he is not an Ananda Margii, and at this point it seems that it will take nothing short of a miracle for this to happen.
https://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
The main mistake we made
Here is the main mistake we made. With our eldest - a son now 32 - we just naturally assumed that as he got older he would see the value and rational approach of Ananda Marga. We thought that he would organically understand how doing meditation and eating vegetarian was the best way to go - but it did not turn out like that at all. This was a big blow to our psyche, and to this day I regret the choices we made in raising him.
I naively thought that I should not push him onto the path of Ananda Marga and that it would be "healthier" if this was something he decided on his own. After all, that was how my husband and I came into AMPS. So we let our son grow up in a "normal manner" - play, homework, video games, etc - without forcing him to attend Ananda Marga Pracaraka Samgha functions or going to AM retreats or doing sadhana together etc. He would go to friends' houses while my husband and I went to dharmacakra or any Ananda Marga function.
However, once on that loose leash, my eldest child just strayed farther and farther from the path. Today he drinks alcohol, eats meat, and is covered by multiple tattoos. I love him dearly, but I see that without my pushing and insisting when he was young (i.e. in his early childhood years), he just got pulled into the dirty current of materialism. It is those values and choices that govern his day to day life - not the ways of Ananda Marga.
This has been the cause of so much tension, arguing, and regret in our household. Now he even criticises us for following Ananda Marga way of life - he thinks we are ignorant. It is a headache to live together or even visit. In the kitchen he eats meat and smokes cigarettes in the house. I cannot even begin to tell you all the problems. I really wish I knew back then what I know now.
It is very painful to see and even more painful to admit. What was the point in my becoming a parent if I could not raise my child(ren) according to the precepts of dharma. Somehow it all got away from us.
https://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
In those early years (0 - 12 years)
One of the reasons I am writing about this is to recount the day Dadaji stayed with us for an entire week. Dada came at our request when I told him that our child could not be controlled. At the time our eldest was 14 and he was not listening to anything.
We had known Dadaji for years and had complete trust in his evaluation. He could see very clearly what transpired within our family - with respect to our eldest. And he pointed out one key misstep that my husband and I tripped over long ago.
Dada reminded us that inborn samskaras play a huge role in life. That is not to say that everything is predestined and that we should just be passive observers. Rather the opposite is true. Without a very positive inborn samskara then coming into Ananda Marga is not easy - a lot of help is needed. This is the point we missed.
Rather than doing lots of kiirtan and sadhana with our oldest child when he was young, and always taking him to dharmacakra, we just let him play etc. We were too relaxed, when it was in those years (from 0 to 12) that we needed to instill the values and practices of Ananda Marga.
On that occasion, Dada warned if we are not strict with our second child then our youngest will also fall into problem, but if we instill Ananda Marga values early then everything will be fine. That was 18 yrs ago. And I have to say that Dadaji was absolutely right. Today our youngest is 22 and all is well, whereas I still regret how I raised my eldest, now 34.
https://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
To bring children onto the path of Ananda Marga
Here is more of Dada's explanation - via a short synopsis. Then I will tell more of my story...
All over the globe there are millions and billions of people who get caught up in the social norms of the day, and comparatively few who break away from those dogmatic traditions and steer clear of pseudo-culture and come onto the path of Ananda Marga. Dada told that those not born in margii families and enter into Ananda Marga is due to their extraordinary inborn samskara combined with Baba's divine grace. These sadhakas had such a remarkable inborn samskara that no matter what life situation they were born into, they would have come into Ananda Marga.
Then Dadaji explained that most of the population is not like that - including many of our margii children. For such persons to enter the path of Ananda Marga, it will take a huge amount of support and guidance, i.e. imposed samskara, from the parents from infancy through their childhood. Regular kiirtan, telling spiritual stories, coming to dharmacakra, making friends with other margii children - all of these things and more are needed in order to bring our own children into AMPS. When I heard this it was as if I swallowed a rock.
Danger of sitting back
It seemed so plainly obvious when Dada explained this, but somehow as parents we missed the boat on this one. My entire adult life I assumed the opposite. I figured, "Oh, of course our child will choose Ananda Marga" - and I waited and I waited and I waited, but it never happened. And now my oldest is far past his formative years, and he is making his own life decisions, and AM does not even come into the picture.
When he was a teenager I tried to guide him but by then it was too late. I would give advice and he would argue and quarrel. It was then that Dada told me that I had to teach all this when he was young - then he would listen. During his teenage years when he was rebelling was not the time to teach - it just created more fights.
Thus it was when my oldest was 13 and my youngest 3 that I made the switch in my approach. The result being that now nearly 19 yrs later, my oldest is far, far from the Marga and our younger son is an inspired and true Ananda Margii. I will tell the story about my youngest down below.
So now I clearly understand that had I adopted a proper parenting approach then both my children could have become margiis. By Baba's grace that is what has happened with our youngest. And it could have been that way with our oldest, but I naively assumed that he would come on his own. I have now realised that if as a parent I had been more vigilant and fortified my children with strong guidance - i.e. imposed samskara - they would both have entered onto the path of pure spirituality, by His grace. In spite of how good an inborn samskara may be, without proper company then it does not bear fruit. Proper guidance is needed, one cannot just rely on inborn samskaras.
Start sadhana in childhood
Baba guides us that we are to guide our children along the path of morality and spirituality from a very young age.
Ananda Marga ideology guides us, "One should follow bha'gavata dharma from one’s very childhood, because human life is rare and is very precious...So a wise person should get initiated and should start sa'dhana' in his very childhood, or kaoma'ra." (1)
So Baba's guideline is that from the very birth of their child, parents should be very sensitive to the needs of the child and guide them along the path of sadhana.
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "Parents will have to take on most of the responsibility for the moral and spiritual education of the child." (2)
https://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
Baba welcomed mothers with infants at DMC
And indeed, during DMC and general darshan, Baba always welcomed mothers who brought their young infants. Baba's teaching is that from the earliest age children should be raised along the tenets of dharma and when they are old enough to go to school, then they should go to an Ananda Marga school. Because the mind is very impressionable at the tender age of 5. What they are taught they will remember and follow with implicit faith and trust.
For these reasons and more Baba guides us that parents must introduce their child to spiritual ideals very early on - further down in this email is that very beautiful account from Baba about how the great saint Madalasa raised her children.
Importance of Ananda Marga primary schools
Then in addition to parenting, a proper education is needed that instills the right values in life.
Sa' vidya' ya' vimuktaye
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "The real meaning of education is trilateral development – simultaneous development in the physical, mental and spiritual realms of human existence." (3)
For this reason Baba is vigilant that Ananda Marga should establish primary education schools all over this earth, in every country, region, city and village. Baba's point is that from their birth right up through their childhood is when our children formulate their ideas and visions about the world and how they will live their life. What our children see and hear at that age makes a huge impact on who they become later in life.
https://anandamargauniversal.blogspot.com/
Conclusion
Here the whole point is that as parents we have a huge effect on what our children become in life. It is our duty to do right by them and bring them along the path of dharma, otherwise they will meet all kinds of troubles and even blame us for their problems - and rightly so.
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "The mental outlook of children has already been moulded in a particular fashion by the influence of their family environment before they start school. No matter what or how much they learn at school, it is extremely difficult for them to free themselves from the influence of their family. Drawing on what they have learned in the family, the immature minds of children begin to learn about the world and understand it, and to receive ideas and master language so that they can express those ideas. Unhesitatingly they adopt their elders’ way of looking at the world. Hence the primary responsibility for acquainting children with the world lies with their parents or guardians. Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly." (4)
Baba's guideline is that from the very birth of their baby, parents should be very sensitive to the needs of the child and guide them along the path of sadhana.
Namaskar,
in Him,
Sulekha
~ In-depth study ~
Qualification for family acaryaship: more kids
Baba wants margiis to have many children, and if you do not have more than 4 - 5 children (of both gendera) you will not be considered for Family Acarya training. Those margiis of good standard and strict in 16 Points should have many children as that way society will grow. And on the other side, thieves, swindlers, and degraded and sick people should not have children. Those with only 1 - 2 children of the same gender will not get family acaryaship. And in His 1990 discourse, the point is given that Parama Purusa is against family planning because many souls are waiting to receive a human body in order to get moksa.
Who should have children
Ananda Marga Caryacarya states, “Keeping in view the progress of society, fit persons should have more children and unfit persons should have less.” (5)
Ananda Marga philosophy states, “Good varieties of seed, fertile land, adequate nourishment, light, air and water are all essential for good reproduction in both the plant and animal kingdoms. In this respect human beings are no different from other creatures. In human society the selection of suitable males and females is desirable for reproduction of a high order. Until human beings are produced in scientific laboratories, it will be detrimental to society if this matter is neglected. If people of sublime intelligence and brilliance reproduce more offspring, it will be very beneficial for society. The responsibility for nurturing and bringing up these children will have to be taken by the society or the government. Similarly, it will be harmful for society if mentally deficient, naturally delinquent or insane persons produce many children. In fact, society will be benefited by the permanent destruction of their reproductive capacity, providing this does not cause any harmful reaction.” (6)
Personal reflection
We all want our AMPS to grow and every parent in Ananda Marga wants for their child to become a dedicated sadhaka. After all, who does not want to have a beautiful spiritual and ideological flow under their own roof. My husband and I certainly did. Unfortunately, with our eldest child, we could not gain success - by Baba's grace with our second, things have been much better in that regard. Perhaps other parents have experienced or are experiencing similar results as our family. The reality is that raising a margii child is no easy feat, especially in this ultra-materialistic era. But it is not impossible either. There are some excellent examples in our AMPS, all over the world. There are however, no shortage of cases where things did not turn out too well. That is why I shared some of the errors which we made due to ignorance - we were not aware. I write today in hopes that others will avoid such issues. Also I will offer what has worked for us with our youngest.
References
1. Subhasita Samgraha - 21, Jaeva Dharma and Bhágavata Dharma
2. Human Society - 1, Education
3. Prout in a Nutshell - 18, Talks on Education – Excerpt F
4. Human Society - 1, Education
5. Caryacarya - 3, Physical Restraint
6. A Few Problems Solved - 9, Population Growth and Control
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Special way to remedy deafness
Note: If one deaf person arouses the devotional feeling to listen to Sadguru’s discourses and spiritual teachings and meditates on eitehr of His two mudrás (janusparsaha and varabhaya) then the deafness will be cured.
Ananda Marga philosophy states, “If a deaf man sincerely wants to hear what the Sadguru is saying, the positive microvita radiated through these two mudrás are sure to help him – they will certainly help him....raising positive microvita from the lunar plexus to the occult plexus is called “krpá”. And raising them from the lunar plexus to the pinnacled point of human glory is called “karuńá”. Without krpá there cannot be karuńá, there cannot be any galloping jump. Raising negative microvita above the psycho-physical plexus is “rusti” or “risti”. You should always try to avoid rusti and always try to receive the glamour of krpá or karuńá.” (1)
Reference
1. Questions & Answers on Microvita, Answer #17
== Section: Prabhat Samgiita ==
तुम्हें अँधेरे समुद्र के उस पार पाया।हे बाबा, अँधेरे के उस पार सत्य लोक में तुमसे मेरी भेंट हुई, तुमने मुझे दर्शन दिए।
प्रभात संगीत 2976 तुमाय आमि ..., सागरे पारे.......
भावार्थ
हे परमपुरुष! बाबा ! तुम्हारी कृपा से मैंने, तुम्हें अँधेरे से भरे समुद्र के उस पार अर्थात "हिरण्मय लोक" को पारकर सत्य लोक में एक सुनहरी किरण पर पाया। तब मेरी भेद बुद्धि और जड़ता की गहरी नींद तुम्हारी लगातार चलने वाली संगीत लहरों से टूट गई।
मेरे बाबा ! तुम दयालुता से परम आनन्द के शुरू होने वाले बिन्दु से तैरते हुए मधुर लय और स्वर की सुंदरता के रूप में आये। तुम्हारी विशेष प्रकार की आभा ने अँधेरे को दूर भगा दिया।
हे परमपुरुष बाबा! तुम ने अपने को व्यक्त कर सभी दिशाओं में फैला दिया और फूलों की कलियों में अमृत भर दिया। तुमने मेरे मन में माधवी फूल की सुन्दरता की तरह चकित करने वाले सुन्दर और आकर्षक रूप में आने की कृपा की ।
हे बाबा! तुम्हारी कृपा से मैंने तुम्हें, अपने निकट पाया।
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