Baba
How to prevent a bad marriage
Namaskar,
Several years ago one young margii brother - let us call him Nakul for the purposes of this story - fell in love with a young non-margii sister. Nakul was a very good margii, active in the unit and dedicated for his sadhana as well as social service. But when he got married to that non-margii sister, his whole life went from heaven to hell.
Initially, he thought that everything would work out, and they will respect one another's different practices and take care of the children together. But instead, she was quite domineering and insisted that Nakul attend her dogmatic religious services. Nakul was a soft spoken fellow, and ended up acquiescing to her strongly-worded entreaties.
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Lost dharmic practices - surrounded by smell of meat
So now what to speak of respect, his Ananda Margii life has gone out the window. These days he rarely attends dharmacakra. But he does attend his wife's dogmatic religious programs, yet he is not a religious believer at heart. Not only that, his non-margii wife insists on bringing home meat and feeding it to the children. So the smell of burning flesh permeates the entire house, which leads to frequent quarrels.
Although it had been Nakul's desire to raise his children as margiis, due to his wife's inclinations, all three children were raised as non-margiis. So no one in his own household is sympathetic to Ananda Marga. Rather, the wife became anti and she also taught the children in that same way. Now, no dadas can stay and no margiis can come there. And Nakul himself feels ostracized and alienated in his own house. This is indeed a very terrible and tragic tale.
On the whole, one can say that Nakulji's entire situation became completely degenerated. He no longer does his spiritual practices; he struggles to maintain a vegetarian diet in a non-veg kitchen; and, he feels like a stranger in his own home. Nakul himself recently told one of the margiis, that he doesn't know how his life fell apart.
One day he was depressed and he told me that, "From time to time my wife beats me and yesterday she did it again."
Feeling sad for him I asked, "Why don't you go for counseling."
He replied that, "By this way everyone will know about it."
Hearing this I felt very badly for him. Indeed, it is tragic what happened to Nakul, and moreover it is a big loss to all. Because he was a good sadhaka, yet his life was ruined by this marriage to a non-margii. Earlier on he had even been considering WT life. And he used to be very active in social service, and was disciplined in sadhana. But now all that is gone, and he got completely degenerated. Nakul's is but one case, and there are many.
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Sometimes the wife is a margii and the husband is a non-margii, and sometimes it is the opposite. Whatever the case, the end result is the same: sheer and utter disaster when any margii marries a confirmed non-margii.
Recipe for disaster: marry a non-margii
So all such margii and non-margii marriages suffer the same fate. Regardless of who is dominant in the marriage, in all cases the margii's life becomes adversely affected. Spiritual practices fall by the wayside; the margii stops attending dharmacakra; and, the psycho-spiritual flow vanishes. Moreover, society loses the benefit of their services. And those who approve of and facilitate these marriages do not have any face to show.
Marriage is not just a physical relation. Human beings have three personalities - physical, psychic, and spiritual. So if physically they are together, but psychically not, that will be hell. There will be emotional pain and agony and psychic duress.
Consider this: One is a margii, and the other is a non-margii; one is a vegetarian, and the other is a meat-eater; one is a non-smoker, and the other is a smoker; one has interest in Baba's books, and the other in dogmatic preachings etc. And the babies get dragged to some other belief while the margii parent wants to inspire them towards Ananda Marga. All this is a recipe for trouble.
Plus the margii likes to bring acaryas to their house to guide the children, and the non-margii likes that the dogmatic religious leaders should come; then psychically that margii and non-margii are two different poles, south and north. In this situation, the atmosphere is just hell, chaos.
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Divorce not allowed: bad marriage is a lifelong problem
In Ananda Marga, divorce is not allowed. So in that condition, the unmatching wheels - one is the wheel of a bullock cart, the other is the wheel of a car - will create a mess for the entire life. We all know Baba's teachings are perfect and complete, no point is left untouched or undone. Those with an iota of vivek can easily see that Baba has given the clear-cut guideline that such margii and non-margii marriages should not be performed.
Note: Here we are not talking about those who are non-margiis, but also those born into the Marga but in reality are just non-margiis as they never had any interest in AM. Some non-margii girls rarely become OK when entering a margii family, but why risk it. Better is to marry a veritable margii.
How marriage candidates can avoid a bad marriage
Here is a brief guideline:
(a) The groom and bride must meet and talk face to face - this can be done with others in the room. But no marriage should be decided by other family members without the bride and groom ever getting a chance to meet and talk.
(b) One should not rely on hearsay or false recommendations about the proposed spouse. To get someone married, people will say all kinds of things - concocted stories and tall tales. One should not get duped or taken in this way.
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(c) When selecting a spouse, rely on your own trusted sources. Depend on those who are truly watching for your welfare. Plus, be sure to consider your own opinion as well.
(d) Do not make hasty, quick decisions based on a sudden impulse. It should be a well-calculated decision, weighing all pros and cons.
(e) Every candidate for marriage should personally meet at least 10 people who are suffering through the horrors of a bad marriage. Males will meet with males; and females will meet with females. Each and every marriage candidate should feel the pain and hurt directly from those who are undergoing such difficulties. That will bring sobriety to their decision. In addition, a marriage candidate should read 5 professional accounts about failed marriages. This is very important. One should not naively think that marriage is a bunch of flowers. Rather, marriage is work - full of dedication, sacrifice, and compromise. It is not easy. Side by side, one should also read 5 professional accounts about successful, dharmic marriages to understand the struggle, economics, and discipline involved in building a proper marriage and family unit.
(f) Finally, before getting married, one should feel satisfied that they took every conceivable step and precaution to ensure a proper marriage. That way if it does go bad they will not look back and repent their whole life that they should have done a better job in selecting a spouse. Beforehand, one should use all their knowledge and abilities to find a suitable marriage partner. Repenting afterwards is a lost cause.
Conclusion
Human beings are emotional by nature. Getting married is one of the biggest decisions a person makes in their life. If that marriage goes sour, it ruins one's entire emotional and psychic health. It is not like buying a bag of potatoes. If the potatoes are not good then you can simply toss them aside or return them for a new bag. A bad marriage is not so easy to get rid of - the emotional stress is very high. One cannot merely throw away their spouse and be done with it. That is why careful consideration should be taken when selecting a spouse.
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Namaskar,
in Him,
Ramashankar
Ananda Marga philosophy, “[The] feeling of dislike takes place through the word jhanjhan. The wife of a certain gentleman that I knew was quite ill-mannered. One winter evening I saw this gentleman sitting quietly at the foot of a tree. I asked him: “Why are you sitting under this tree on a winter evening? You’ll freeze.” He replied: “You know, my young friend, if I go in the house I’ll hear only khankhan jhanhan. It’s a lot more peaceful out here.” (1)
~ In-depth study ~
Bogus divorces in east & west
Divorce gradually grew momentum in the west and has reached such a point that now one can get a divorce in record speed without having any real reason at all. It is just like changing your order with the waiter in a restaurant. Your request will be granted. And as materialism spread around the globe, this phenomenon of divorce became very easy and accessible. But in Ananda Marga it is not like that. Due to the dharmic marriage system in AM, there is no need for divorce. That said, there are highly unusual and rare circumstances where a divorce might be warranted.
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Ananda Marga Caryacarya states, "The mantras in the Ananda Marga marriage system are such that the question of divorce does not arise; but in very extraordinary circumstances, on charges of characterlessness, irresponsibility, or cruelty, divorce may be accepted. The complainant (man or woman) will appeal to five important responsible persons of the Marga (an ácárya/á preferably being one of them). On being satisfied regarding the validity of the complaint, they will allow the complainant six months' time for reconsideration. If the petition is still not withdrawn and the reasons for the complaint remain unaltered, divorce will be accepted. In this connection, the procedure for the division of the properties will be formulated according to the demands of the time." (Caryacarya 1, Marriage Ceremony)
So the nature and scope of divorce in our AM system is vastly different from the world over. In the general society, divorce merely means, “I need or want a change”, or “I got what I needed from this marriage and now I need to move on” etc. For all sorts of fickle and selfish reasons, people file claims for divorce. But these types of bogus outlooks hold no traction in AM. Essentially, the way divorce is commonly understood and viewed by the rest of the globe has no place in our Ananda Marga way of life.
More problems with those marriages
As we all know, Baba is very strict to break the dogma of caste marriages and dowry. There were big battles for decades about this as Baba has pioneered a new dharmic pathway. Yet now, some Dadas are outrightly supporting both caste dogma and dowry by presiding over and condoning such marriages. It is shameful and 100% against Guru's order.
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One other shameful act is that sometimes these fake avadhutas feasted at these marriage ceremonies. Baba directly states this is a horrible sin. There is no excuse. If they are truly dying of starvation, then C-grade margiis, pashvacarii margiis, can choose to eat at a shraddha ceremony or dowry marriage. However, avadhutas must never eat at such dogmatic marriages etc - even if they are dying of starvation. Thus under no circumstances should they be feasting at these dogma-riddled gatherings.
That is why they are just bogus avadhutas; about such fake monks Baba makes the following joke.
Múŕha múŕháye jat́á váŕháye masta phire jaesá bhaesá
Khalrii upar khák lágáye
Mana jaeśá to taesá.
"With shaven head or matted locks
And ashen body a Sádhu walks
With the swaggering gait of a well-fed buffalo.
And crude mind filled with thoughts mean and low." (2)
Importance of society building
When Mahasambhuti takes advent on the earth, then in all spheres of life, He has various types of programs. He comes with a very special, clear-cut, and definite plan. That divine plan is made according to the need of that particular era. The plan of Lord Krsna was to create a Mahabharat - one united India. And that is what He did in the social sphere.
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And for the advent of Lord Shrii Shrii Anandamurti ji, in various discourses He has told that He made the clear-cut plan to make one human society, by uniting all kinds of people together in one thread. Verily each and every teaching in Ananda Marga is geared toward the establishment of a singular human society. One very essential program is society building. And within society building, one key component is revolutionary marriage. So marriage plays one special function within the Lord's overall plan. About the formation of one human society, here following is Baba's golden guideline blessing.
Ananda Marga ideology guides us, "Inspire and encourage the common bonds of unity and thus strengthen humanity [and] then the human society will become one and indivisible." (3)
References
1. Varna Vijiana, Derivation, Emanation and Distortion (Discourse 19)
2. Subhasita Samgraha - 3, Vibration, Form and Colour
3. A Few Problems Solved - 2, Human Society Is One and Indivisible – 2
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Absolutely no cause for fear
If an Ananda Margii uses intoxicants that is against the ideology. In a similar way, if a sadhaka is afraid of anybody it means they are not following the ideology. If one is drinking liquor that is anti-ideological, and if someone is suffering from fear that is also unideological. The reason is that srsti (this creation) is in the mind of Parama Purusa. And He loves His bhaktas more than anyone else. And the person who is scaring you is also getting their energy from Parama Purusa. But because Parama Purusa loves you more and everything is in His control, then there is no reason to be afraid. Being afraid means not trusting on Parama Purusa.
For example, suppose you visited your parents after a long time. And this is the first time you are meeting your mother’s new, large ferocious dog. And mother is greeting you with her menacing dog on a leash, then by seeing the dog will you be afraid? If you are afraid it means you do not trust your mother. In the same way, being an Ananda Margii, if you are afraid of anyone it means you do not trust Parama Purusa. And not trusting Parama Purusa means one is not following the ideology. This is the gist of what Baba explains in the following teaching.
Ananda Marga ideology states, “As I have said previously, our ideology maintains that no one need be afraid of anything under any circumstances. If anyone does become afraid, it should be understood that he or she is doing something opposed to our ideology. So you should remember that no situation will ever arise in this world which will give you cause for fear. It has been said that Parama Puruśa is the fear of fear. That is, fear is as afraid of Parama Puruśa as humans are afraid of [objects of] fear. Bhiiśańaḿ bhiiśańánám – “He is the dread of all dreaded things.” A feared object is as afraid of Parama Puruśa as others are afraid of it. So, as you are the progeny of Parama Puruśa, who or what can possibly give you cause to fear?” (1)
Reference
1. Kolkata, 14 November 1978, As-Is version
Literate vs educated
Ananda Marga ideology states, “मनुष्य ज्ञानार्जन करते हैं, किस तरह से ? कोई आँख से पढ़ते हैं; कोई कान से पढ़ते हैं; कोई इङ्गित से, मुद्रा से, पढ़ते हैं | जैसे प्राचीन भारत में literate का percentage; अ, आ, क, ख, जाननेवालों का percentage बहुत कम था | अर्थात् साक्षर की सङ्ख्या कम थी; मगर विद्वान की, शिक्षित की सङ्ख्या अधिक थी | क्यों ? न, धर्म-कथा, उस सब में वे लोग क्या कहते हैं---उसी से लोग सीख लेते थे | अर्थात् आँख से नहीं पढ़ते थे, कान से अधिक आदमी पढ़ते थे | और आज के लोग आँख से पढ़ते हैं, मगर कान से कम पढ़ते हैं | इसलिए साक्षर की सङ्ख्या अधिक है, शिक्षित की सङ्ख्या घट गई है |” (1) General Darshan, 25 July 1970 Purnia
Note: In His above teaching, Baba is guiding us that people learn in three ways: (a) with their eyes by reading, (b) with their ears by listening, and (c) via gestures in sign language. In ancient India the number of literate people were less as they did not know how to read and write but the number of scholars and educated people was very high as they learned and acquired knowledge by listening to dharmic stories etc. That is how they were educated. But in the present era people are very literate in that they are able to read and write, but they are less educated as they do not assimilate that knowledge. The central idea is that there are three ways to learn and we should utilize all three methods to create an educated society. Whatever dharmic guidelines we learn, we should follow and incorporate into our day to day life.
Reference
1. General Darshan, 25 July 1970 Purnia
== Section: Important Teaching ==
Medicinal plants & history of medicine
Ananda Marga philosophy states, "Moonlight is not a medicine like sunlight is. Rather moonlight often overwhelms the mind with a different kind of emotion. However, the qualities of medicinal herbs and plants are affected according to the difference in moonlight, that is, in accordance with the lunar day and lunar fortnight. So there are rules for removing medicinal plants from the soil, preparation of medicines and their uses in accordance with the lunar day. The medicinal qualities undergo changes during the different periods of the day, so one should use medicines with that factor in mind; at least it is better if it is done so. Those medicinal herbs and plants or those medicines whose qualities are affected according to the difference in lunar day or planetary position are called kulyá. So you see, this also is a meaning of the word kulyá."
"Not only have human beings used plant substances for medicines since ancient times, they have also prepared medicines extensively from animals. In the Ayurvedic, Vaidyaka and Unani systems of medicine, animal substances, such as the livers of different animals and partridge fat, were used extensively. Who is not familiar with the medicine prepared from the body of a goat and oil from the hornbill? Medicines used to be prepared from the livers, pancreases, etc., of different animals in the allopathic system of treatment. In recent times they have been used for insulin. Cod liver oil and shark oil are frequently used. They are used not only as oral medicines but also in injections. Medicines such as naja, cina, and apis in homeopathy are completely of animal origin. Killing an animal in order to save the life of a human being may not be a very good practice, but it can be done when there is no alternative. This is a universally accepted principle. But when medicines are prepared by killing animals, it should be done as far as possible from those animals which are the born enemies of human beings. Those who are not the born enemies of human beings but are their natural friends should not be killed." (1)
Reference
1. Shabda Cayanika, Disc: 34
== Section 2: Links ==
Postings to Read
Experiencing His divine vibration
Key point of pracara work
Not punitive but corrective
External vs interal assimilation
Shraddhá & success
When science skews society
